The Nose Roars Back

Have you ever had something stuck in your craw for so long you never thought it would go away? That’s been the relationship I’ve had with fragrance for the past six years. If you check out the last two blogs I posted, you’ll see that I was off scent for a long time, due to circumstances beyond my control. That is what’s been sticking in my craw for so long (What is a “craw” anyway? I keep envisioning that piece of popcorn that gets stuck in your teeth which takes yards of dental floss to extricate from your mouth.) Then, cancer treatment shattered my sense of smell so completely, I was convinced it was forever fucked. Forgive the strong language; if you’ve been down that road, you know what I’m talking about.

I’m happy to say that my nose is so very back. It has changed in some ways, but I am once again appreciative of heavenly fragrances. I can spray with abandon without anyone giving me shit, particularly the one person who fired the first salvo at my schnozz back in 2010. Renee Karn of Toronto, Ontario, Canada did not defeat me, and cancer did not defeat me. Since cancer is a disease, and you’ve already helped me get through that nightmare, feel free to waft strongly in Ms. Karn’s general direction. It has been over four years since we laid eyes on each other, and I could give less than a rat’s ass if she, or any of her batshit crazy minions happen to stumble across these words. Go fuck yourselves, you cruel, unempathetic, abominable excuses for humanity. I will never forget what you did to me, but rest assured, I have risen so far above it that you will literally never touch me again. Remember – I am an American as well as a Canadian, and I am exercising my First Amendment rights by finally revealing your name. There is nothing you could do or say for the rest of your miserable life that will ever hurt me.

Now back to the good stuff: I have purchased a dozen full bottles of fragrance over the past few weeks. I’ve still got a long way to go to rebuild what Ms. Karn took from me with such calculated maliciousness. Have I ever mentioned that she had one of her minions research every bottle I owned to determine how much my collection was worth? You don’t do that unless you have more than a few screws loose.

All told, I have about two dozen bottles to my name again, along with a smattering of samples courtesy of a very special friend who has been instrumental in helping rehab my nose. Look for more blogs about fragrance in the near future. And please feel free to throw shade on the person who thought she could destroy me. Like the lion in the photo above, I rule my kingdom and will rip anyone to shreds who attempts to get in my way.

I stink so good.

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