Cork It, Yeezy

I doubt that when Twitter was launched back in 2006 – a lifetime ago by social media standards – the app’s creators envisioned their platform being the stage where the most compelling contemporary dramas would play out. If you’ve got “attention whore” stamped on your soul, the most convenient place to seek that attention is in the domain of 140 characters or less. Anyone can do it; even someone like Kanye West, who takes attention-whoring very seriously.

What is it exactly that happens to people who become enmeshed in the Kardashian family? Is there something noxious being pumped through the air vents of their lavish homes that strips all common sense from your brain? Or, must you consult with Ryan Seacrest and the dozens of other producers of their “reality” to see which script is to be followed on a given day? These scripts have influenced countless individuals all over the world who follow every move this family makes, and endeavor to live life as they do. If having regular hissy fits on Twitter is good enough for Kanye, then hell, we can all unleash our inner narcissist whenever we damn well please.

Twitter, the social media phenomenon, is currently flailing. If you follow the goings-on in the always-evolving world of social media, you’d know that the company has been operating at a loss for a while now, mainly because it is failing to add new active users to its network. The original concept of keeping your friends informed in as few words as possible morphed into citizen reporting, lightening-fast transmission of current events, and interaction with public figures. It was fascinating for a while to see how certain celebrities embraced Twitter, and admittedly, it was fun.

Kanye and the Kardashians have taken social media to whole new level by making it okay to use Twitter as a receptacle for your verbal diarrhea. You don’t have t be famous; you just have to possess agile thumbs and a craving for attention that can only be satisfied by letting however many followers you have know exactly what you are thinking. This behavior has turned off millions of people who turned to Twitter for information, not theater. Facebook is typically the place to go if you’re interested in soap-operatic content.

For those of us who prefer snippets to sagas, Twitter has become the modern-day equivalent of the schoolyard at lunchtime, with all the usual suspects camped out in all the usual places: You’ve got your bullies, your whiners, your angry outcasts, and your attention seekers. You can still find valuable content somewhere in the midst of all that, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult as nonsensical diatribes become status quo.

Now that the Kardashians have their own personal apps to bloviate on (and charge for the “privilege” of accessing them), the rest of us can reclaim Twitter for more constructive discourse, correct? Wrong! We still have to wade through rants from people who give every impression of being emotionally unstable, and even worse – dumb as a box of rocks at the same time. Social custom used to dictate that we never aired our dirty laundry in public, but social media made it okay to let it fly whenever you want. “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” replaced keeping up with the Joneses, and so turns the world in this era of say anything, wherever, whenever. Hell, even O.J. Simpson’s story is now being re-told with a Kardashian angle. These fuckwits have literally invaded every corner of our lives.

I know I should be tweeting this, but I’ll say it anyway: Kanye, please stick a cork in your mouth – or your ass – and any other orifice you seem to have trouble controlling. Your behavior does not hide the fact that you are a talentless scourge that brings nothing valuable to society, except a pathetic spectacle. No one wants to hear how much debt you’ve accumulated for the sake of your “art”. No one wants to invest in your livelihood because you cannot force the world to love what you do. You are destined to become yet another pop culture fragment people will talk about 10 years from now. “Whatever happened to Kanye West?” people will ask. “No idea.” will be the likely response. I cannot wait for that day.

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